So here is everything about James and I. This is will help with the understanding of all my frustrations now throughout the divorce process and probably all the frustrations with parenting.
James and I met the summer before my sophomore year in high school. He went to Derby and I went to Maize. He was handsome, muscular, shy at first, funny at times, really sweet to me in the beginning, he said all the right things. Things got serious pretty quickly. Resulting in a relationship more mature than us only about 5 months into it. Once things went to the largest level they could besides marriage James became controlling. He took all my make-up to his house so I couldn't wear it to school. He hated all my friends bc he thought they all hated him although they didn't know him. He didn't like when I talked about my family. He called a million times a day, texted constantly, and if more than 5 minutes went by without a reply from me he freaked out. We took lots of breaks. One day we were hanging out at his house he very randomly said I want a break to experience more. The next day he had a new gf, named Keeley. I was pretty upset but whatever, I was done. That night he got completely drunk. Keeley and her friend Abby called me telling me very nasty things about him and what she had done with him and told me that they told him I hated him. I changed my number, dyed my hair and went to St. Louis for spring break to get away. About 2 weeks past and he was emailing me constantly begging for fogiveness. Begging for me back. He begged for a total for 3 weeks before I said yes and gave him my number again. Prom was in a couple weeks and I told him that I was going with him. He seriously told me that he was still planning on taking Keeley bc she already bought a dress. Idiot, so did I! I told him I will never speak to him again if that were to actually happen so we went together. Prom sucked! Everyone was super mean to me, even her older sister and her mom who chaperoned! We left after about 1 hour. I was hurt but played it off as I was tough. We never went to my prom so that was my experience, it was terrible. We kept dating, things got a lot better. I told him how things were going to be, no more controlling me, and he had to be nicer. About 6 months later I got pregnant. I didn't find out until I was about 7 weeks or so. James was really excited about it. I told him on his birthday. He was already planning on joining the Air Force like his dad and brother so everything seemed great. We were going to get married, have a daughter, have a great secure life. I gave birth to Hope on May 10, 2006, James was still in tech school and missed her birth by 2 days. He came up once to see her bc he was only 4 hours away. I took her down to see him twice. Once was for us to get married. We got married 2 days after my 18th birthday on June 12, 2006. Our first duty station was in Utah and we moved there in July of 2006. Things were okay, at first. Once we got settled down James just assumed his life wouldn't change. He came home from work at about 4:30, he immiditely went to the gym for 3 hours, came home and ate dinner while playing video games. Oh how I hate video games! By this time I already had Hope in bed and I was on my way to bed too. He freaked out bc I didn't want to to wake up and have sex when he came to bed. Things stayed like this for a while. He was fighting with me more, over nothing most of the time. I wasn't allowed to go to the store without taking Hope, I wasn't allowed to drive without asking, I wasn't even allowed to have my own debit card. I just had to use his when I needed it and he had to see all the reciepts to make sure I didn't by something for me or the baby that we didn't need. Money wasn't that tight. We were fine. So one day I did a little snooping and found that he had been emailing an ex gf from Arkansas back and fourth for a while now and they ended almost every email with I love you. He had told her about Hope but not that we had gotten married. When I confronted him about it he freaked out and somehow twisted it back on me and I ended up apoligizing! Well James got hurt injured in September 2007 and was unable to workout anymore, forcing him to be at home more. He got to spend more time with Hope and they became buddies. He eventually had surgery on it in February 2008. He spent 30 days at home recovering. That helped him realize that I didn't just sit on my butt all day, that I really was busy with errands, Hope, the house and the puppy we ended up getting Rocky. We got orders to move to Virginia about during that time and we moved April 10, 2008. When we finally arrived in Va we lived in TLF for about 2 weeks. The house that base had for us had been delayed and we weren't able to move in until the end of June so we had to figure something else out. James ended up moving in with his new boss and his crazy family. Meanwhile Hope, Rocky and I went up to Boston and lived with his dad and sister. Things were going great with James. Hope had just turned 2 and we were starting to talk about having another baby. James really wanted to be a part of the whole pregnancy, birth, infant stage that he wasn't a part of with Hope. He also realized all this mistakes when Hope was little and wanted another chance. So we talked but nothing was set in stone or anything. James came up to visit us right before my 20th birthday and our 2nd anniversary. James' mom took Hope for a night and day so James and I went to have dinner at an amazing restaurant, we got a hotel room and spent the entire next day walking around Boston. Once James left to go back to Va I though I might be pregnant. I took a home pregnancy test, negitative. A week passed and I went to the doctor and had a blood test done, also negative. I was upset that I wasn't pregnant. When I thought I might be I realized I really wanted to be. We moved into our new house a couple weeks later. I knew that I was pregnant, despite what the tests said. I just felt that I was. Two days later I woke up in terrible pain, I felt that I was in labor, and I was bleeding really bad. James took me to the doctor. They did a pregnancy and it came back positive. The day I found out I was pregnant was the same day I lost the baby. I was devistated. James never believed that I was pregnant so he wasn't hurt by it. He didn't understand my pain from it. I cried all day, all night for about a month. James was freaking out at me, telling me to stop, telling me that I was overreacting, telling me that I was stupid to think that it was my fault. He hurt me more. I don't think I've ever felt more alone than I did then. I knew that the only way to get over this was to get pregnant again. So we did. In August 2008 we got pregnant with what was soon to be our 2nd daughter. Her pregnancy was terrible. I was sick all day long for 20 weeks. I lost 6 pounds in 3 weeks and didn't gain it back until well into my 2nd trimester. James thought I was being a baby bc he's gone through worse pain before and puking was nothing. James got hurt again and had his 2nd surgery when I was 6 months pregnant. He had a few complications and was being pumped full of drugs to help him. James thought that maybe something went wrong during the surgery and he knew that they felt bad that this had happened to him so he kept acting as if he was in pain so they kept giving him drugs. He got addicted rather quickly. First it was Percocet and Valium, then Loratab and Vicodin, then Diladid and Lyrica, then MSCoton (low dose oxycoton), then Methadone and Morphine. He was taking so many pills at once that he would pass out for days. He once again missed out on another pregnancy. The neighbors all knew what was going on. He screamed and yelled at me for eveything. I just wanted him to be awake. Be a part of our family. I gave birth to Faith Olivia on April 14, 2009, she was so beautiful. I had to have my friend Jill come to the hospital while I was in labor though bc James was falling asleep while I was in labor and I needed more support. She was all natural! What a great experience though, minus James. When we got home from the hospital James was right back to drug seeking, again I was so alone. Now with 2 kids one of them being a newborn. Ohmygosh, I was so exhausted. He even told him that he would give me money if I gave him my percocet from having the baby. He knew where I stood on the drug thing and since I was breastfeeding he knew I wasn't going to take them so I just said do whatever I don't want any money. He got worse. I told his doctors what was going on, I told his dad, nothing happened. I eventually told James when Faith was 4 months old that he had 7 days to figure out how to get off the drugs and to quit smoking or I wanted a divorce. He told him he would never suffer for us and I better start getting the papers ready. A week later he attempted to overdose on drugs. I tried to get him into the car to take him to the ER and he kept getting out. At my last attempt he pushed, hit and punched me and went inside. I had enough so I called 911 and he went to the ER. I then got an EPO-emergency protection order against him. I moved out to hotels but we couldn't keep living like that so I moved back while he was in rehab. He got released and he did this 4 times. During the 4th time his boss called me and told him that James was coming home early bc he was still doing drugs while there and that this was his last straw for being in the military. I immediately packed up all our stuff and headed over to my friend Tara's house where the girls and I lived for a week until we moved back to Wichita where we are now. James has had no contact with us until about 2 months ago when he called to tell me that he was on his way to move to Derby! Oh boy. He has been served with the divorce papers and hopefully it will be over soon.